Archive for December, 2007

Knee-Mail between Kent and Goliath

From: Kent Hovind
Sent: September 4, 2007
To: Goliath of Gath
Subject: Only the Strongest Survive?

KH: Excuse me Mr. Goliath of Gath (GG), I couldn’t help but hear you yelling and swearing (I Samuel 17:8). What seems to be the problem here?

GG: I can’t understand these stupid Jews. They think their God is the only one there is. They think He’s all powerful. What a joke!

KH: Why would you say that?

GG: Their God told them-so they say-to conquer the land of Caanan-four-hundred years ago! They claim their God promised to drive out the people who lived there (Joshua 1). My people had been living there for centuries. It’s our land!

KH: They did conquer the land, didn’t they?

GG: Only part of it. Their God couldn’t make them conquer my city of Gath (Joshua 11:22). That was over three-hundred years ago and they still can’t beat us! If God told them to do it, why didn’t they finish the job?

KH: Good question.

GG: I’ll tell you why. Their God is weak. That’s why. Why, just a few dozen years ago this puny nation of Israel didn’t even have a king. They said this “God” was their king and He lived in a box they called the “ark.” My father was in the battle when Israel tried to fight us (I Samuel 4:1-2). He said it was not even a fight. We beat them bad! Dad said they killed 4,000 men in just one day (I Samuel 4:2). Then, the “military leaders” of this weak little country sent men to get their God in a box to bring Him to help them win the battle (I Samuel 4:3-5). What a joke! We beat then again and took their box away from them. Ha! So much for their silly God in a box.

KH: Did your father’s people keep the box?

GG: For awhile, yes, but bad things started happening in the city of Ashdod, so they brought it to my city of Gath (I Samuel 5:8).

KH: And what happened in your city?

GG: We had an outbreak of emerods (I Samuel 5:9) so we sent the ark to another city (I Samuel 5:10). After seven months (I Samuel 6:1) our Philistine rulers sent the box back to Israel (I Samuel 6:12).

KH: Did the emerolds go away?

GG: Yes they did. So we decided there was some poison in the box. There was never any proof that God had anything to do with it. My father was a giant like me (Numbers 13:33; Deuteronomy 3:11; Joshua 12:4). He taught me to be a fighter. We know that might makes right. There is no one God to tell us right from wrong. The strongest decide right and wrong.

KH: So why are you out here yelling and swearing today.

GG: I’m cursing the stupid God of these cowardly Jews to show them the truth about their God in a box. He’s nothing. If He even exists, He has no power like mine. Look at me. I’m nearly ten-feet tall!

I’ve got four brothers (II Samuel 21:16-22) who are as big as me. We are the dream team. We will take on anyone including that puny God of the Jews.

I’ve been coming out here for forty days now, yelling and cursing at these Jews and their God in a box. I told them to send me a man to fight with me, but they are all too scared (I Samuel 17:16). I challenge them every morning and evening, but there are none brave enough to fight me. They talk about how they trust their God, but they are all liars. I trust my great strength not some imaginary God in a box. They talk big, but never really put their faith into action.

KH: How long are you going to do this?

GG: I don’t know. I made my challenge about thirty minutes ago and they all ran away (I Samuel 17:24) just like they always do. I’ll wait a few more minutes just to rub their nose in it. I really enjoy making fun of their God and demonstrating that He doesn’t exist.

KH: What are you trying to accomplish?

GG: I want to get them to give up their stupid religion and see reality. Only the strongest survive. They need to quit wasting time talking to their God and start working out and enjoying life. They claim their God gave them some rules to live by. There are no rules from God. I break all ten of their silly rules all the time and nothing ever happens to me.

KH: Are any of your children planning on becoming University Professors to continue the tradition of mocking God and teaching others to ignore His rules?

GG: What?

KH: Never mind. I just thought I might have met some of them. He, Mr. Goliath, I think I see someone coming from the camp of Israel. You have a challenger.

GG: It’s about time! It only took them forty days.

KH: What are the rules for the fight?

GG: No rules. Just one on one.

KH: Then why do you have two (I Samuel 17:41)?

GG: See, there you go, too. Rules are man made and mean nothing to me. Say, you’re not a Jewish spy are you?

KH: No, sir. I’m Norwegian.

GG: Nor what?

KH: Never mind. It looks like your challenger is kind of small and unarmed.

GG: It’s just a little boy with a rag on a string and a rock! I’ll teach those Jews to mock me by sending this dog! I’ll kill him and feed his body to the birds (I Samuel 17:44)! We’ll see how puny their God really is.

KH: You might want to listen carefully to that boy. He may have a totally new thought to put into your head (I Samuel 17:49). I’ll get out of the way now. Tell God I said “hi” when you see Him in a few minutes.

GG: Huh?

http://www.cseblogs.com/?p=110

Published in: Uncategorized on 31st December 2007

Theological Wonderings - part 1

WARNING: Some (or all) of this post may be heretical, theology inaccurate, or just simply illogical (chances are, some will require a little “thinking outside of the box”). They’re just some thoughts that were going through my head, while reading through Genesis 1-3 so I thought I’d post them. Here goes…

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Waters above and waters below:

Genesis 1:6-8
And God said, “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.” So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

“A cloud is a visible mass of condensed [water] droplets or frozen crystals suspended in the atmosphere above the surface of the Earth” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud

“An atmosphere is a layer of gases that may surround a material body of sufficient mass” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celestial_body_atmosphere

So clouds are the “water above the expanse”, and the “expanse” (”sky”) is the air between them and the sea below…

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The tree of knowledge of good and evil:

Genesis 1:31
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good

Gensis 2:8-9
Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Genesis 3:6
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree [of knowledge of good and evil] was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.

So was the “tree of knowledge of good and evil” one of the trees that grew out of the ground in Genesis 2:8 (Genesis 3:6 says it was “good for food and pleasing to the eye”, like the other trees that grew)?

How could there be knowledge of evil (on day six - since this is after God’s created man, but before he’s created woman) unless evil already existed? People often debate whether God created sin/evil, Genesis 1:31 says that everything God had created at the end of the sixth day was very good… is it possible that there was stuff he hadn’t created, which wasn’t good - such as evil? Perhaps Lucifer’s fall happened when God created man…

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The serpent and sin:

Genesis 1:25
God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 3:1
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

Genesis 3:14-15
So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

What if “the serpent” was actually a dinosaur… bear with me… which is harder to believe, talking snakes or talking dinosaurs? Genesis 3:1 and Genesis 3:14 don’t associate the serpent with “creatures that move along the ground”, but instead to “wild animals” and “livestock” (so it was probably a lot bigger than snakes are) - maybe there were no creatures that moved along the ground until this moment? In Genesis 3:14 the serpent is told it will crawl on it’s belly (sounds like “moving along the ground” to me). It’s hard to imagine a great big dinosaur striking someone’s heel, and having it’s head crushed - unless it’s made much smaller. Perhaps the curse even explains the extinction of the dinosaurs - most of them might have been killed (we see death as a punishment for sin through out the bible, and man being nearly wiped out in the flood, so why not the same with animals?), and those that weren’t killed might’ve become reptiles (snakes, lizzards, crocodiles, etc - all of which science says are related to dinosaurs anyway).

Published in: Uncategorized on 20th December 2007

400 prophets and a lying spirit

2 Chronicles 18:3-5

Ahab king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat king of Judah, “Will you go with me to Ramoth-gilead?” He answered him, “I am as you are, my people as your people. We will be with you in the war.” And Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, “Inquire first for the word of the LORD.” Then the king of Israel gathered the prophets together, four hundred men, and said to them, “Shall we go to battle against Ramoth-gilead, or shall I refrain?” And they said, “Go up, for God will give it into the hand of the king.”

2 Chronicles 18:18-21

And Micaiah said, “Therefore hear the word of the LORD: I saw the LORD sitting on his throne, and all the host of heaven standing on his right hand and on his left. And the LORD said, ‘Who will entice Ahab the king of Israel, that he may go up and fall at Ramoth-gilead?’ And one said one thing, and another said another. Then a spirit came forward and stood before the LORD, saying, ‘I will entice him.’ And the LORD said to him, ‘By what means?’ And he said, ‘I will go out, and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ And he said, ‘You are to entice him, and you shall succeed; go out and do so.’

2 Chronicles 18:34

And the battle continued that day, and the king of Israel was propped up in his chariot facing the Syrians until evening. Then at sunset he died.

Four hundred “prophets” said Ahab would win the battle, Micaiah said Ahab would be killed - a message the king didn’t want to hear, so had Micaiah put in jail (no wonder the other prophets lied).

Be careful who, and what, you listen to - make sure that you’re not just hearing what you want to hear… even if it is from four hundred people.

Published in: Uncategorized on 11th December 2007

Sin, leadership, and submission

Genesis 3:6 - So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

This is so obvious, but I never realised it before:

• man’s first sin was passivity
• man has the gift of leadership

• woman’s first sin was rebellion
• woman has the gift of submission

Published in: Uncategorized on 10th December 2007

When things suck…

suck: An intransitive verb indicating a negative state of affairs. Could be poor performance, bad weather, illness, general dislike, or any of innumerable negative thoughts.

flog: Beat severely with a whip or rod.

struck: Hit sharply, as with the hand, the fist, or a weapon.

To be honest, life feels like it kinda sucks for me right now… not that some huge terrible thing has happened… it’s just not “good”, or going the way I want it to.

Then I read John 19:1-3 and realise how much life sucked for Jesus:

Then Pilate took Jesus and flogged him. And the soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head and arrayed him in a purple robe. They came up to him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” and struck him with their hands.

By comparison my life doesn’t seem quite so bad any more… I’m trying to get my mind wrapped around what Jesus says in verse 11… I know it as “head knowledge”, but I’m trying to really embrace and apply it:

Jesus answered him, “You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above…”

Even if/when things do suck… it’s because God allows it… because there’s a reason for it.

Published in: Uncategorized on 10th December 2007