Knee-Mail between Kent and Goliath
Sent: September 4, 2007
To: Goliath of Gath
Subject: Only the Strongest Survive?
KH: Excuse me Mr. Goliath of Gath (GG), I couldn’t help but hear you yelling and swearing (I Samuel 17:8). What seems to be the problem here?
GG: I can’t understand these stupid Jews. They think their God is the only one there is. They think He’s all powerful. What a joke!
KH: Why would you say that?
GG: Their God told them-so they say-to conquer the land of Caanan-four-hundred years ago! They claim their God promised to drive out the people who lived there (Joshua 1). My people had been living there for centuries. It’s our land!
KH: They did conquer the land, didn’t they?
GG: Only part of it. Their God couldn’t make them conquer my city of Gath (Joshua 11:22). That was over three-hundred years ago and they still can’t beat us! If God told them to do it, why didn’t they finish the job?
KH: Good question.
GG: I’ll tell you why. Their God is weak. That’s why. Why, just a few dozen years ago this puny nation of Israel didn’t even have a king. They said this “God” was their king and He lived in a box they called the “ark.” My father was in the battle when Israel tried to fight us (I Samuel 4:1-2). He said it was not even a fight. We beat them bad! Dad said they killed 4,000 men in just one day (I Samuel 4:2). Then, the “military leaders” of this weak little country sent men to get their God in a box to bring Him to help them win the battle (I Samuel 4:3-5). What a joke! We beat then again and took their box away from them. Ha! So much for their silly God in a box.
KH: Did your father’s people keep the box?
GG: For awhile, yes, but bad things started happening in the city of Ashdod, so they brought it to my city of Gath (I Samuel 5:8).
KH: And what happened in your city?
GG: We had an outbreak of emerods (I Samuel 5:9) so we sent the ark to another city (I Samuel 5:10). After seven months (I Samuel 6:1) our Philistine rulers sent the box back to Israel (I Samuel 6:12).
KH: Did the emerolds go away?
GG: Yes they did. So we decided there was some poison in the box. There was never any proof that God had anything to do with it. My father was a giant like me (Numbers 13:33; Deuteronomy 3:11; Joshua 12:4). He taught me to be a fighter. We know that might makes right. There is no one God to tell us right from wrong. The strongest decide right and wrong.
KH: So why are you out here yelling and swearing today.
GG: I’m cursing the stupid God of these cowardly Jews to show them the truth about their God in a box. He’s nothing. If He even exists, He has no power like mine. Look at me. I’m nearly ten-feet tall!
I’ve got four brothers (II Samuel 21:16-22) who are as big as me. We are the dream team. We will take on anyone including that puny God of the Jews.
I’ve been coming out here for forty days now, yelling and cursing at these Jews and their God in a box. I told them to send me a man to fight with me, but they are all too scared (I Samuel 17:16). I challenge them every morning and evening, but there are none brave enough to fight me. They talk about how they trust their God, but they are all liars. I trust my great strength not some imaginary God in a box. They talk big, but never really put their faith into action.
KH: How long are you going to do this?
GG: I don’t know. I made my challenge about thirty minutes ago and they all ran away (I Samuel 17:24) just like they always do. I’ll wait a few more minutes just to rub their nose in it. I really enjoy making fun of their God and demonstrating that He doesn’t exist.
KH: What are you trying to accomplish?
GG: I want to get them to give up their stupid religion and see reality. Only the strongest survive. They need to quit wasting time talking to their God and start working out and enjoying life. They claim their God gave them some rules to live by. There are no rules from God. I break all ten of their silly rules all the time and nothing ever happens to me.
KH: Are any of your children planning on becoming University Professors to continue the tradition of mocking God and teaching others to ignore His rules?
GG: What?
KH: Never mind. I just thought I might have met some of them. He, Mr. Goliath, I think I see someone coming from the camp of Israel. You have a challenger.
GG: It’s about time! It only took them forty days.
KH: What are the rules for the fight?
GG: No rules. Just one on one.
KH: Then why do you have two (I Samuel 17:41)?
GG: See, there you go, too. Rules are man made and mean nothing to me. Say, you’re not a Jewish spy are you?
KH: No, sir. I’m Norwegian.
GG: Nor what?
KH: Never mind. It looks like your challenger is kind of small and unarmed.
GG: It’s just a little boy with a rag on a string and a rock! I’ll teach those Jews to mock me by sending this dog! I’ll kill him and feed his body to the birds (I Samuel 17:44)! We’ll see how puny their God really is.
KH: You might want to listen carefully to that boy. He may have a totally new thought to put into your head (I Samuel 17:49). I’ll get out of the way now. Tell God I said “hi” when you see Him in a few minutes.
GG: Huh?